


Convince Me

by telesillaaofargos



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Basically a love story with multiple weird subplots, Crying, Drama, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, First Kiss, Fluff and Smut, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Hugging, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, New Asgard, Not Canon Compliant, Oral Sex, Out of Character, Panic Attacks, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Rough Kissing, Rough Oral Sex, Slow Burn, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Thor and Loki have a happy relationship, boring government accords subplot, infinity war didn't happen, loki is a kinky fucker, slow, smut comes later, very much so, yay paperwork
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-07-06 13:17:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15886821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telesillaaofargos/pseuds/telesillaaofargos
Summary: After Ragnarok, instead of Infinity War the Asgardians set up New Asgard on Earth. This poses it's own set of problems however, each one of them pushing Loki further and further towards the one man he never thought could help him.Or. Loki falls in love with Tony Stark after a series of unfortunate events and also some happy ones.





	1. New Asgard

**Author's Note:**

> Go and check out the side blog I made for this fanfic called rainycucumbers, at the moment it's just some memes but I'll post updates and stuff like that for this fic.  
> I'm going to try and update every Monday if not more often but i'm going on holiday soon so bear with me on that.

Loki’s boot scratched on the hard earth as he stood back, hands raised in incantation. Before him the new palace materialised in a wave of green energy. Golden walls glinted in the midgardian sunlight. That was the biggest difference between Midgard and Asgard. On Asgard everything felt so much softer, almost gilded by a soft haze of gold. The sunlight on Midgard seemed harsher. Maybe he was just being sentimental. New Asgard just didn’t feel the same, his seiðr felt weaker, colours looked duller, the trees weren’t the same ones that he sat under as a child. Walking through it however, Loki couldn’t help but feel incredibly lucky that it existed. For all its flaws, it was a home, it was a place for the people that he sacrificed Asgard to save. He wandered through the square, acutely aware of multiple eyes on him, he had half a mind to dull the colours of his armour, he was just so visible in bright green. He slowed his gait as a small girl ran towards him, stumbling slightly as she stopped herself then curtsying clumsily before him.

"For you, Prince Loki" She said sweetly, holding out a small red flower. She smiled nervously up at him. He smiled and took the gift, the naïvety of her youth showing on her fresh features,

"Thank you little one." He said, continuing on his path. His brother was sat under a tree, head in his hands. Loki sighed,

“Brooding again Thor?” His joking tone hiding the concern he felt for his brothers mood.

“You seem practically unaffected. How am I supposed to lead our people when they barely trust us? You’ve seen how they stare at you, the majority are content enough but as fragile as we are we can’t afford an uprising of those who disapprove” Thor sighed, his eyes were closed in frustration, lines deep on his forehead. The eyepatch served as a grim reminder of what they had just been through. Loki sighed and sat next to him in silence for a while. He knew they should have waited longer before building Asgard again, he knew the toll leading would take on his brother after all they had lost.

“If people want to start conflict then we will deal with it, our army is weak but a few remain. But I don’t think we’ll need to worry about it” He placed a gentle hand on Thor’s shoulder, hoping that contact would be reassuring for him, “The people are weak and tired, even if they don’t agree with our actions to set up here in New York they won’t choose now to act, they’re too fragile to fight again” Thor smiled at him wearily. Even in his worry he knew his brother was right, the cost was too high for the people of Asgard to fight again, he should be focusing on resting, Asgard would recover with time.

“You’re right. Perhaps i’m too emotional to have clear judgement. I’m just thankful we’ve been allowed here for now. As much as Asgard is a people, we can’t travel the galaxy indefinitely. Midgard is as good as any planet for a replacement realm,” Loki laughed,

“It beats Sakaar,” He said, grimacing. Thor laughed shortly,

“You never told me how you managed to get into the Grandmasters good favours” He said, looking at Loki expectantly. Loki flushed and looked away from his gaze,

“I’m not sure you want to know,” He replied, leaving Thor chuckling.

New Asgard did indeed beat Sakaar. Instead of the harsh bright colours, purples and greens and blues, and the jumbled mass of buildings and rubbish, Asgard boasted a beautiful sprawling city, the tall golden palace; intricately designed buildings; the cosy marketplace. Golds, reds and greens melting together organically between the beautiful building design replicating the elders work forging the original Asgard. The forests and outlying villages had to be sacrificed, there simply wasn’t enough space to rebuild an entire planet on the back of another, so the space felt a little more crowded, people moved to fit into the urban space. The bright comforting light of the bifrost was also missing, replaced at the entrance to the city by a large golden gate.

                                      ***                                                  

Heimdall smiled at the sight of the two brothers, chatting beneath a large tree. He hated to break up their discussion but regrettably he walked towards them.

“Thor, friends of yours have come to talk. I hate to rip you away from this solitude but they seem adamant that you see them,” He said. Thor smiled,

“I am happy to see my friends have decided to visit. Loki, you might want to sit this one out. You didn’t exactly meet on the best terms last time you saw them,”  
Despite this, Loki followed Thor towards the gates of New Asgard that separated them from the hustle and bustle of New York. Whilst it was accessible from here, New Asgard remained mainly hidden from the outside world, it had taken some complicated spells for Loki to manage fitting their whole race inside one human city. Thor didn’t complain about Loki’s movements, figuring he wanted to make things right with the Avengers now that he lived in the city he had tried to take over. Loki squinted his eyes like he could tell what he was thinking. As they approached the gate Thor smiled at the sight of his friends, opening his arms and greeting Bruce in a tight hug,

“It is great to see you all, welcome to New Asgard” He said, releasing a slightly crushed Bruce from his arms.

“How have you been Thor? Do the people like their new home?” He asked, brushing off his arms and straightening his jacket. Tony smiled,

“Gotta say, love what you did with the place. Although i’m pretty sure I could hook you up with clean energy, get some bright lights over the city” He offered, Thor smiled but shook his head,

“Asgard doesn’t need your electricity, we rely on magic to power our living spaces, and bright lights would block out your stars” He replied, “Loki has worked wonders on the construction. He just finished the palace today”  
Loki tried a smile at the two men, but it quickly fell at the sight of Tony’s face.

“Of course you’re letting Reindeer games run loose. You do remember what happened the last time he was in New York or are you getting complacent?” Bruce put a hand on his shoulder but he shook it off, standing his ground and glaring at Loki, who tried to avoid his intense glare.

“Loki means no harm. He’s learning, and like it or not, he’s my brother. I won’t lock him up like father did” Thor replied calmly, “Anyway, let’s not fight. I would rather remain civil. We’ll have tea in the palace, you did do the inside as well didn’t you?” He turned to Loki, he nodded and began to walk towards the looming building. Thor caught up with him and poked his side playfully,

“Don’t mind them too much little brother. You’re better than that now, just let your actions speak for you” He said lowly. Loki huffed a laugh,

“You give them too much credit for being forgiving creatures. We’ll see in time what they really think of me” He said grimly.

Hot tea seemed to calm him down somewhat, his pale hands clasped the cup like it was his only source of warmth, letting the steam hit his chin. Thor and his friends laughed away, Banner with a cup of tea similar to his, and the ironman joining Thor in a large tumbler of strong whiskey. Loki sat curled in his favourite chair, the entire interior design mirrored from his memories. His knees were drawn against him, his cup resting on the top of them. Plumes of steam hitting his face, a book hovering in front of it, the pages flicking with a shimmer of gold metallic. Thor’s booming laugh put a small smile on his face, his head thrown back, surrounded by old friends, brothers in battle.

“What are you smiling at mischief managed? Plotting our untimely demise?” Tony quipped, turning the attention onto his curled form. He avoided turning to face this, instead muttering,

“Of course, that rather pointed crystal is looking like a prime opportunity,” returning his focus to the words on the page. Thor spluttered,

“He doesn’t mean that. You don’t mean that. Don’t antagonise him Loki” He said,

“Oh so this is my fault now. Forgive me, I thought it was Stark that started this attack on my facial expressions” He replied, now staring into the eyes of his older brother. They softened,

“Sorry, Tony leave him be.” Thor said, turning the conversation elsewhere. Loki growled under his breath. So much for the smarter brother, more and more often recently he found himself in need of saving by Thor like some damsel in distress. He could hold his own against Stark, so why wasn’t he? He put his cup down and stormed out of the room, a little dramatically in hindsight, but what was life without a little flamboyant melodrama. He flung himself down on his bed and enchanted his book once more, reading to block out any thoughts he had on his brothers friends.  
Thor looked worriedly towards the door but didn’t follow.

“Don’t worry about him. He needs his space. Anyway, I haven’t shown you around our new palace, want a tour?” He offered to the men before him. Tony’s eyes showed the sparks of interest but Bruce politely set down his cup,

“Another time i’m sure we’d love to Thor, but we’ve got things going on up at the avengers headquarters. I’m glad to see you’re settled in so nicely. You’re always welcome up at base, come and hang out sometime.” He said, leading them out of the room. They walked together to the gates of New Asgard where they said their goodbyes, Thor reminding them to return whenever possible before they left in a blacked out car and the looming gates shut on New York city.

***

“Tony you could have left Loki alone. I don’t trust him, but we spent some time together on Sakaar, he does seem sorry for what happened last time.” Bruce said carefully, flinching at the scowl on Tony’s face.

“Bruce, when you were Hulk you almost ruptured his spleen beating him into the ground. I on the other hand got launched out a window and catapulted though a giant space portal. Something tells me our experiences with rock of ages are not comparable. Let me antagonise him, it’s funny to watch him throw his little temper tantrums” Tony replied with dry humour. Bruce sighed,

“I hear you, but I’m not fond of him either. You don’t want to tease him too much, no one wants to see what happens when he’s had enough of your shit” Tony hummed in agreement but said nothing else on the matter. The rest of the journey to the Avengers facility was made in uncomfortable silence.

***

Loki curled in on himself on his bed. His chest felt tight and his eyes stung but he refused to acknowledge it. He would not cry over petty fighting and he would definitely not cry over someone so self centred and all around dick-ish as Tony Stark. This reception had not been unexpected, he just wished it would have been different, wished people cared enough to look over security footage, see that he wasn’t himself during the battle of New York.

“You did throw him out of a window Loki” Thor said, appearing in his doorway. Loki huffed and turned further on his side,

“Go away” He muttered. He was being unnecessarily childish, this wasn’t helping his case, but he couldn’t bring himself to face his brother. Thor walked into the room carefully, stepping over a few books lying next to the bed and sitting next to Loki, the bed dipping almost causing Loki to roll over into him.

“God you oaf, leave me alone and stop invading my space” He whined, getting a chuckle from Thor.

“You’re acting like a child Loki. You were quite happy to sit with me earlier, and it’s not me you’re annoyed with, so just let me at least try and help,” He said. He had a point, so Loki turned over on his side to face him, he didn’t speak, but at least he was somewhat cooperating.

“Loki if you want their view of you to change then you have to talk to them. It’s not enough to expect them to trust you without any work from your side. I’m happy to defend you in front of them but that is not all that needs to be done and you know that.” He looked at Loki’s pouting face, “I know you don’t want to, but you do want to make friends don’t you?”

“I wouldn’t exactly say I want friends. I just don’t want to be universally hated among all of your friends.” He replied, like that really made a difference to Thor’s explanation. They sat like that in silence for a little bit. Thor thinking of what to say next, treading carefully on his words.

“Perhaps you’re lonely,” He started, ignoring Loki’s sharp jerk of his head, looking incredulously at him, he started to protest but Thor stopped him, “I’m just saying maybe you should try getting a boyfriend, or just fool around a bit, get out some frustrations”

“Maybe I don’t want to fool around. I find it difficult to trust even you, you really think i’m going to start parading my body around a crowd of nameless men?” He replied, avoiding his brothers gaze.

“No, I know, I’m sorry.” Thor said. He opened his arms and let his little brother crawl into them, letting him stroke his soft black hair. Loki nuzzled his face into the crook of Thor’s neck.

“Why am I always the one betraying you? Am I really the monster they think I am?” He whispered against him, sounding more and more small and child like,

“No.” Thor said definitively, “I know you Loki, and you may be a lot of things but a monster is not one of them. Trust me if no one else, we’ll improve your reputation here, I just want you to feel at home” He said sighing, scratching slightly behind Loki’s ear as a comfort, they had done this many times as kids, so much so that it felt natural, normal, practiced. A dance of brotherly comfort.

“I’m not a cat Thor” Loki muttered, but didn’t fight it, and would never admit that the small circles of Thor’s fingers in his hair sent him drifting into a dreamless sleep.


	2. Warm Welcome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like my work please consider donating to my paypal, paypal.me/Ophelia429   
> I'm updating today because I usually want to update every Monday but i'm on Holiday from tomorrow onwards, so yay early chapter!  
> Trigger warning for panic attacks in this one, although it's not very well written so there's that.  
> Thank you so much for all your lovely comments, it means the world to me!

When Loki woke up his head was still on Thor’s broad chest, but his body was sprawled over the other half of the bed like a starfish. Thor was trapped underneath him with a heavy hand resting over his back so that he was also trapped. Loki groaned,

“For Gods sake Thor wake up you brick,” He tried to push his arm off of him, but Thor’s dead weight was a formidable foe. Maybe he wasn’t worthy to yield the power of superior brother, mjölnir was looking like a much easier target at this point. He kicked his legs in frustration, elbowing Thor in the side and hitting his arm in the struggle. Thor’s eyes cracked open and were met with his little brother kicking and struggling under the weight of his arm, he tightened it’s grip in amusement just to provoke a screaming fit from his brother,

“Fuck off Thor get off me!” He yelled over Thor’s laughter. He was eventually let go, and was pushed off the bed by the hand previously trapping him. Thor laughed even harder at the expression on Loki’s face, he looked thoroughly like a cat that had fallen out of a tree.

“We’re not kids anymore Thor, you can stop pushing me out of bed now” He heard Loki cry from the bathroom.

“But it’s so much fun, you’re so small it’s a perfect opportunity” Thor replied, smiling to himself as he dressed himself in Midgardian attire. Loki appeared from the bathroom in his usual green armour and looked Thor up and down.

“Going somewhere?” He asked, “I feel overdressed”

“The Avengers Headquarters, want to come?” He offered, watching Loki’s face morph into a scowl. He sighed and moved into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

“It would be a perfect opportunity to clean some of the red off your ledger” He said, or at least tried to say around a mouthful of toothpaste. Loki looked at him disgusted, but, in a wave of green light, changed his armour to a more modern Midgardian outfit. He strutted out of the room in black skinny jeans and a green knitted jumper towards their small personal kitchen that resided between Thor and Loki's bedrooms. Loki had made their quarters of the palace the entire top floor, personal and removed from their extensive staff of maids and other such household helpers. He went to make a cup of tea before they left, hoping it would calm him down before having to face that lot again. As the kettle bubbled he felt his nerves rising, his hands shook, only minutely, but there was a tremor there, and his eyes held the tension of stress. When Thor appeared behind him, reaching around for a cup of his own, he shrieked, almost jumping out of his skin like a startled kitten. Thor laughed, but noticed his expression and stopped quickly,

“I’m sorry,” He started, “What’s wrong Loki? You’ve been touchy all morning”

“Nothing’s wrong Thor, only your lack of personal space” He replied, a little too defensively. Thor put his hands up in surrender,

“Sorry, sorry, can you make us both tea?” He asked, backing up a little. Loki bristled but did what he asked, handing Thor a cup of tea, now sat in a large armchair, Loki taking up residence in a smaller one. They sat silently whilst they drank their tea, the scalding liquid calming Loki’s nerves. He tried to remember what his Mother used to tell him about making friends, let your personality shine through, be yourself, don’t insult them and don’t trick them. It seemed like a paradox to him, no matter how much she tried to convince him that mischief was not his true nature.

“Come on then, no time for brooding” Thor announced suddenly, snatching the empty cup from Loki’s hand and setting it down on the coffee table. Loki jumped but got up to follow him, everything seemed to move so quickly for his brother, it’s like he never stopped to think or relax. He had to almost jog to keep up with the pace of him, panting by the time they made it to the car. He eyed the object curiously,

“You can drive?” He asked, genuinely concerned about his safety on this trip,

“No of course not, Stark sent a happy man to escort us” Thor replied, much to the relief of Loki, as he opened up the back doors of the vehicle and started to climb in.

“It’s Happy, Thor, my name is Happy” The driver responded exasperatedly. Thor smiled at Loki mischievously, putting on a façade of complete lack of brain function around the poor driver. Loki could only imagine how much his brother had annoyed every single person around him during his frequent visits to Midgard.

“I can see that reference is hardly in tune with your temperament” Loki muttered, the bored face of the driver bothering him. If there was one thing he couldn’t stand, it was indifference. Fear him, love him, hate him, it was all the same, an emotion to work off of, negativity to bounce back at them, indifference left him entirely lost. The feeling of being overlooked didn’t sit well with him after his father either, although that particular relationship had left him pretty used to being forgotten. He stared out of the window of the car, trying to keep his mind off of the jolting rhythm of movement. Teleporting would have suited him much better, although his seiðr had not been feeling strong enough to do that since being locked up on Asgard. He sighed and let his head fall back against the headrest, his eyes slipping shut before he remembered he wasn’t the only one in the car and he forced them open again.

***

Thankfully the journey wasn’t much longer, and he managed to stay awake the whole time. Focusing on the scenery on the way to the outskirts of New York almost turned his mind to pâté.

“Here we are” The not so happy man announced,

“Impressive isn’t it?” Thor asked excitedly. Loki scanned the sardine can in front of them.

“Hardly as grand as the tower, although the lack of neon lights is an improvement” He remarked, ignoring the nudge from Thor as Tony stood in the doorway. From the look on his face, he had heard that.

“Beats the tiny square cell you were reduced to Reindeer Games.” He retorted. Low blow. Loki didn’t respond to that quip, noticing a flash of concern over Tony’s usually serene features, he passed it off as a nervous twitch, he was scowling to the best of his ability.

“Any reason why you brought the baby brother Thor?” He asked, leading them inside the facility and pausing for dramatic effect at the entrance, letting him look upwards and marvel at the sheer size of the building. Smooth white walls contrasted with tinted black glass that formed walkways across the main lobby. There were few workers, meaning the place lacked the former hustle and bustle as the lower floors of the tower used to have, but that was replaced by a quiet majesty, the kind of awe and silence you feel at a museum or gallery. In some ways it really was like a gallery, old versions of costumes were displayed in cases with small plagues reading their history.

“We let school groups in here for trips sometimes” Tony explained, moving them through the main entrance and towards a small elevator that would presumably take them up to the residential floors.

“On the first floor we have a couple rooms, a dining area, kitchen and common living space. The top floor is all private rooms, not that you can’t go in, it’s just polite to be invited. All rooms come with a bathroom, lounge and bedroom.” Tony said, Loki’s eyebrow twitched upwards.

“Hardly a room then, they sound more like small apartments” He stated. Tony’s lip quivered upwards minutely, but he sounded bored when he replied,

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” Not a very intelligent response he knew, but it didn’t do to engage with any of Loki’s tricks.

Loki rolled his eyes and followed on silently up to the communal living area. Thor loudly greeted his friends, Natasha and the archer one who seemed to be anticipating his arrival. They crowded around him, peppering him with questions about where he’d been, what had happened to Asgard. They didn’t even stop to notice Loki standing a few steps behind his brother. He let his dark hair cover his face and walked over to a bookshelf, perusing the titles they had on offer, finding it was quite an eclectic mix of science, how-to interior design and Nancy Drew type mystery. He picked up a thick paperback novel on quantum physics, running his finger over the inside of the front cover where the name “Hank Pym” was scrawled in black biro. He sat himself in the corner of a large sofa and enchanted the book to hover in front of him, pretending not to notice Tony watching his every move like a hawk. He almost thought he would join him at one point, but he must have thought better of it, walking into the flurry of excited friends, offering everyone drinks and asking the disembodied voice of F.R.I.D.A.Y to play some ‘smooth tunes’.

Thor turned to check on his unusually quiet brother, prompting the others to finally pay attention to where he was looking. Their focus zeroing in on Loki’s small frame on the sofa, and him looking up, suddenly feeling like a snake behind a glass cage at a zoo, only there was no cage, and no one in the room liked snakes. He grabbed his book and shielded himself as Natasha all but stormed towards him, looking as if she was going to slap the living daylights out of him. He weighed up his options, leap out of her grasp and be confronted by the archer, or stay in her line of fire and hope he could take it. Archer it was. If there was anyone in this room he was afraid of, it was the fiery redheaded assassin with a taste for vengeance on his part. Thor saw the chaos initiating before it happened, and wrapped his arms around Natasha before she could strike. Loki looked like a cat ready to pounce, coiled and ready to launch himself off of the sofa, Tony jumped in front of Clint before he could take advantage of the empty space. After the frenzy of two seconds, they were stuck, Natasha in Thor’s arms and Clint blocked by Tony’s body. Loki’s panicked eyes darted from person to person, wishing that his brothers arms weren’t around the woman trying to attack him so that he could curl into them himself. Thankfully Bruce ran in to the room at that moment and scanned the mess in front of him.

“Alright alright let’s all calm down and take a step back here. What do you think he’s going to do, cornered like a deer in headlights” He said, holding his hands up to everyone signalling for them to drop their weapons, or in this case fists. Surprisingly it was Natasha who relaxed first, dropping her hands. Thor let her go and she wriggled from his arms, standing with her arms crossed in front of Loki,

“Whose idea was it to bring him to earth then? Couldn’t leave him on a spare asteroid?” Clint sneered from behind the shield of Tony’s body.

“No Thor’s babysitting, can’t trust him alone at home” Tony replied, smirking at the archer. Loki sighed,

“Asgard was obliterated, if there was a lump of rock large enough for me to stand on you can rest assured I would have been left on it,” He said, ignoring the look in Thor’s eyes, “Are we going to stand here all day and discuss how much you all hate me or should I book a more convenient date” Natasha hissed,

“Don’t act like this is a joke Loki, you’re a monster, you don’t deserve even the curtesy of setting foot on Earth” She spat making him flinch. He tried to think of an acceptable comeback, knowing they could probably see the cogs in his head given how slow they were turning,

“Like I care about your sickly Midgard anyway, i’m only here because Thor dragged me, I would much rather be behind a large gate called New Asgard” He replied, voice a fraction quieter than before. Clint scowled,

“How can you trust him Thor? He doesn’t give a shit about Earth, he’ll be pulling his old tricks in no time.” He said, putting Thor on the spot, he shuffled awkwardly,

“Loki is my brother, I have seen him redeem himself and I wouldn’t leave him anywhere where I am not even if I hadn’t.” He replied, the weight of the words hitting Loki like a boulder. Thor would blindly trust him over and over again if he had to, but Loki was still the trickster, the God of mischief, un-trustable. He didn’t deserve his brothers love, betraying it time and time again. Mother was wrong about everything, he was a monster, incurably bad, bad to his foul jötunn core. He got up suddenly and walked shakily out of the room after throwing a potted plant with his seiðr across the room as a weak distraction, his mind racing and his cheeks flushed with shame that he was weak enough for it to come to this. The angry hoard of heroes stopped when they saw him disappearing out of the doorway. Natasha didn’t think she had even seen Thor look so panicked, his feet twitching in a dance of indecision, should he follow?

"He never does this, he's never done this" He stressed, running his hands across his face. His brother was usually so private, but he knew that what they had gone through had broken the both of them, was this really how it was going to be?

“I would let him be for now Thor,” Bruce said quietly, “He probably needs some time alone” Loki stopped in a rather childishly decorated bedroom, not caring about the fact it was someone else's. He gripped the doorframe as he stumbled towards the bed, tears clouding his vision and deep breaths struggling to take in any oxygen. Bright blue light flashed across his eyes, sparking a new wave of panic. He tried to rationalise his thoughts, it’s just a panic attack, he’s not really back there, it was a figment of his imagination, but none of it seemed to aid in soothing his ragged breaths. Natasha was right, her red haired face in his mind morphing grotesquely until it was his mother stood before him,

“You’re a monster Loki” She cried, lashing out at him, his gentle mother scowling at his presence, he looked down at his hands and whimpered at the sight of his hideous blue skin, she growled, “Look at you, you monster! You will never be good enough for anyone, how dare you even think you could be happy here. Oh, that’s right,” Her voice took on a condescending tone, “You were ‘mind controlled’, poor helpless little Loki, like we would fall for that”

He couldn’t breath, his eyes were swimming and his hands gripped the edges of the bed with so much force he almost put his hands through the sheets. He gasped for air but took nothing in, he wanted to call out, Thor would be there in an instant, but he didn’t deserve him. Didn’t deserve his pity. He faintly heard footsteps approaching, and a faint gasp that he thought was his own until he blinked away the tears enough to see a young boy staring at him, his backpack dropped and forgotten on the floor, he moved towards Loki.

“Hey,” He started, his voice timid as Loki violently flinched away from his outstretched hand, “Loki, right? Hey, you need to calm down, uh, can you try and match my breathing? I’ll do it really loud for you ok?” The child started to breath, in, out, in, out, in, out, loudly, clearly, Loki tried the same,

“That’s good, you’re doing really good Mr Loki sir, you just need to calm down, can you do that? I’m right here, look, you’re in the Avengers facility,” He put his hand on Loki’s shoulder and subconsciously rubbed circles with his thumb. Loki found his heart rate decreasing, almost falling forward into the foreign touch, but he was distantly aware this was just a kid, he didn’t want to crush him.

“Th-Thanks” He managed out, “I’m fine now, best get on my way” He lied weakly, his voice was trembling far too much for him to be labeled fine, but he was feeling all kinds of things now, he needed his brother and he needed to get out of this place.

“Hey, you’re not alright Mr Loki sir, i’m really sorry, should I go get Mr Stark?” The kid said, blocking his path off the bed, Loki’s eyes widened,

“No! No, not..Stark” He said quickly, “Thor is with him” “Oh, ok, stay right here i’ll get Thor!” The child ran off, leaving Loki sat up rubbing his temples, his head now throbbing profusely. The next thing he knew his brother had scooped him into his arms, holding him to his chest, his legs wrapped around Thor’s waist subconsciously.

“I’m not a kid Thor put me down” He complained, Thor wasn’t having any of it though, moving his hand to stroke his hair, the most effective known way to calm down his feisty younger brother.

“Do you want to go home Lo?” He asked softly, Loki blushing at the childhood nickname, he tried to wiggle free and regain some dignity but Thor tightened his grip. He sunk his head into Thor’s shoulder and shook it,

“Don’t want to stop you seeing your friends” He muttered,

“If you’re uncomfortable we’ll leave immediately, you are much more important to me, and I can always come back alone another day”

“No, I want to stay” Loki said more firmly, he would not be bullied out of the building by a bunch of Midgardians. Thor looked worried but didn’t fight it, moving to carry Loki into the room but stopping when Loki almost snapped his wrist trying to break free,

“Absolutely not! Is it not humiliating enough to have to return and face them after behaving like a child only to get carried in by your older brother!” He hissed, face bright red. Thor laughed, and set him down, patting his hair one last time.

***

He hung his head in shame when he re-entered the room, but the angry faces he had left now all looked significantly less angry and more panicked. Probably a trick of the light.

“Loki I—“ Natasha started, looking to Thor for reassurance, he nodded, allowing her to go on with her apology, “I didn’t mean to upset you that much, the last time I saw you, you would have slit my throat for talking like that, I didn’t think—I—“ She trailed off,

“I’m fine” Loki replied shortly, deciding not to elaborate.

“You didn’t look fine Mr Loki, no offence, it looked like a panic attack, I mean, just from what I saw, i’ve had one before so I would know, you know?” The child piped up. Damn that child and his nervous chatter. Loki’s head swiped in his direction, mirroring Starks.

“When did you have a panic attack!?” “What gave you a panic attack!?” They asked in unison. Panic lacing both their questions. The child looked bewildered.

“Uhh, never mind, but you did have one?” He reflected the concern back onto Loki, clever, he flushed and looked away,

“It hardly matters now. What’s your name child?” Loki asked, curious about this kid who obviously knew about him but was still intent on knowing about his well-being.

“Peter…Parker. Peter Parker. Sir. Mr Loki sir” He stuttered, not expecting that question. He looked immensely excited that Loki wanted to know about him.

“And i’m not a child. I’m seventeen.”

“Well Peter, you still act like a child.” Loki grinned,

“Just call me Loki by the way, I am not a mister, and very much not a sir”

“O-oh ok, just Loki, cool, yeah” Peter mumbled. His nervous ticks amusing Loki. He reminded him very much of how he was as a child. Obviously Thor saw that too, grinning in his direction. Maybe with his childish innocence, Loki could find something good about this trip, at least now no one was shouting at him, and he could be content to listen to Peter witter on about Star Wars whilst Thor did what he came here to do and enjoy his friends company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Loki. Honestly he's such a tragic character it's unfair. Who decided to give this poor child a traumatising past? Peter Parker is my favourite awkward teen, and yes I aged him up, it's just going to work out better that way. Please give feedback on this chapter, it felt kind of rushed when I wrote it.


	3. New Avenger

“I will not be reduced to a circus clown among that unruly gang of misfits”

“Loki, maybe if you gave them a chance you might end up liking them.”

“Did they give me a chance?!” Loki yelled, silencing his brothers attempts at negotiation, “Because they didn’t seem to care too much about giving me a chance when they wanted to attack me the moment they saw me. So no, I don’t want to fight along them, I can’t even trust them” He continued, weaker than before but still harsh, he spat his words at Thor who flinched visibly. He hated when Loki got like this, but he couldn’t lie and say he hadn’t predicted it. His friends were strong willed, and Loki had given them good reason to detest him, but staying loyal to his brother felt important after losing all his family. They had been close as children, yes Loki had a penchant for playing tricks on him, but they were usually good natured…usually, and Thor could feel his brothers remorse, he just wished he could express them.

“Loki please, not for their sake but for yours, take up the offer, you will be seen not as a menace but a hero, loved and cared for by our people, isn’t that what you want?” Loki looked into Thor’s employing eyes,

“I’ll think about it” He said, rougher than he meant. He wandered over to the side cabinet in the hallway, and picked up the letter that had shaken their morning so much,

_Dearest Point Break and Reindeer games,_

_There's talk of the Avengers needing a new member. My radar is picking up smallish threats around America and Canada, all of which have been dealt with by freelance guys or alternative hero teams. However, it would be wise to increase our forces in case New York is targeted, and given the nature of the city that seems pretty likely. I am sure you also wish to protect New Asgard and so we are extending this offer to the Green Menace, your powers are strong and useful and you could use the good rep. Call us if you’re interested._

_Tony Stark_

_P.S. I’m sorry about your last visit, as much as I hate you, I didn’t want it to go that far, consider this offer an apology of sorts, they’ve decided they can work with you if you decide to join._

The apology took Loki by surprise, it seemed more genuine than anything Stark had had to say since they had arrived on Midgard, but it still didn’t convince him to start playing superhero with the very people who would likely kill him if they got the chance. But Thor looked so hopeful, like he couldn’t wait to be back on the battlefield with him, it had been so long since they fought on the same side for more than a day, their fighting styles complimenting each other perfectly, Thor’s brute strength and power and Loki’s trickery and nimble agility. Loki sighed to himself, he didn’t really have much choice. He turned to Thor,

“Fine, i’ll join your little boy band, but don’t blame me when this goes balls to the wall” Thor smiled, and patted his back happily, walking them both to their rooms, Loki’s room opposite his,

“Brilliant! Let’s go and tell Stark!”

“He said to call them didn’t he?” Loki answered, rummaging through his wardrobe and picking out an emerald green, tartan skater dress and black knee high socks. Thor had his head in his own wardrobe, pulling on a shirt and jeans,

“They will be more convinced by a visit” He replied, walking over to the doorway of Loki’s room and seeing a very female Loki standing in front of him, hand on her hip, staring puzzled at her brother who was staring at her,

“What? Is something wrong?” Loki asked. Thor paused to choose his words very carefully,

“Nothing’s wrong Lo, it’s just, Midgardians are very primitive when it comes to this. They won’t understand what this is, and I don’t want to make you more uncomfortable than you have to be in their presence, but I think things will go smoother if you presented as male whilst you’re there” He said. Loki’s eyes dropped and Thor panicked, running over to put his hands around his sisters waist and pulling her into a hug.

“Just while we’re there, I promise” He said,

“They’ll have to know eventually” Loki sighed, “But I guess I can be male for now. Don’t make me stay for long”

“Promise” Thor replied, watching Loki transform into his male form in a green wave. He looked at his brother apologetically, pressing a kiss to the soft hair that covered his eyes.

***

Tony paced up and down in his workshop, firing orders at Dum-E as he watched the fifth test run of his new sonic scream arm attachment. His hands tapped impatiently on the thick protective glass between him and the testing site. He could feel himself jittering with nervous energy, but for what he couldn’t quite put his finger on. It definitely wasn’t to do with his new suit mod as much as that excited him. He fired another order at Dum-E and Banner appeared in the doorway just as the arm powered up and and shot sonic waves of high pitched noise at the unfortunate dummy in front of it. Bruce watched from the safety of the doorframe as the sound failed in affecting the dummy at all, instead managing to shatter the glass in front of Tony who stumbled back, yelling out when a shard lodged itself in his forearm.

“Ah, motherfucker!” he cried, “Dum-E for gods sake I told you to set it on 50%!” The robotic arm tilted it’s hand in confusion and Tony was just about its incompetence when F.R.I.D.A.Y piped up,

“Actually sir, you told him 80% power” She pointed out politely. Tony started to retort, heaving himself off the floor and grasping at his bleeding arm, when he heard his own voice repeated back to him,

“Fuck it, 80% Dum-E and we’ll see how he holds up” he fell silent. Bruce decided to choose the moment to walk up to his friend, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Maybe that’s enough for today Tony” He said, leading him to a workbench to patch up his arm. Tony stayed silent so Bruce took the opportunity to speak for once without being spoken over,

“I know you’re afraid of what’s out there, but you need to start to living down here, on earth, this is the planet you’re trying to protect,” he started, “Whoever it is that’s trying to attack us, they’re nowhere near as organised as Loki and the Chitauri were, we deal with human threats like this on the regular, what’s different this time?” Tony sighed and looked up at his friend with weary eyes,

“Space is an unknown quantity Bruce. Sure they’re disorganised, they don’t know where they’re firing, they send weak threats to a guarded planet, but who knows what will come next, what’s to say they’re not messing with us, learning from their mistakes, we have to be ready for that!” He said, his eyes growing wider with every frantic breath. Bruce ran his hand down his arm to calm him, wrapping a bandage tightly around the wound.

“Not by making rookie mistakes ourselves, like skipping straight to high power without thinking about the consequences, you’re lucky you don’t need stitches.” Bruce reprimanded, finishing up his work on Tony’s arm. He stretched it out and thanked him, both of them getting up to leave the room.

“Let’s go have a drink, you’re obviously not in the state of mind to be running tests” Bruce said, Tony sighing and nodding his head in agreement.

***

Loki and Thor arrived at the facility just as Tony and Bruce appeared up the stairs. They looked surprised to see them, but rushed to greet them politely. They greeted Thor as cheerily as they could muster, the large man pulling them both into a tight hug before letting them go and holding up Tony’s bandaged arm, an amused questioning look on his features.

“Don’t ask” Tony said, huffing a laugh. Loki stood awkwardly as they chatted idly about his many lab misadventures, tugging at his oversized jumper, pulling the hem down uncomfortably.

“You alright Rock of Ages?” Tony asked, making Loki blink in surprise,

“Why would you care?” He bit back,

“You’re on the team now, it’s kind of my job to care, that is why you’re here isn’t it?” Loki went to reply but Thor beat him to it,

“Yes! Loki said yes, he’s a proper Avenger now,” He said proudly, patting him on the back a little too hard. Loki grumbled something about embarrassing older brothers. as Bruce and Thor laughed. Tony looked at Loki’s uncomfortable expression. He couldn’t help but feel bad for the guy, he looked thoroughly miserable.

“Hey, you wanna come help make drinks? We’ll meet you on the sofa in two” Tony said, dragging Loki with him to the kitchen. When they arrived he looked genuinely concerned on his behalf.

“Really, something’s wrong, you want to talk about it?”

“Why would I talk to you about my problems Stark? The only thing I can be certain of here is that I won’t be taken seriously” Tony looked down at his mug like it was the most interesting thing in the world,

“I wish you didn’t feel that way” He paused to pour water into the kettle, clicking the switch he turned back to Loki, “Look, seeing you run off like that, seeing you so vulnerable, it’s the first time you’ve seemed relatable, at all, like, you’re a God” Loki smirked at that, “Thor’s a God, i’m just some guy…with a lot of money and a metal suit. With everything in space, and what I saw in that wormhole, how can I not be defensive around you when you seem so untouchable? But you’re not, you’re more human than I think you’ll admit, and things went too far. I’m sorry”

The two of them stood in silence after that. Loki’s eyes had glassed over slightly and they glimmered the most vibrant Emerald. Tony got lost staring into their confused, unbelieving expression until the bubbling crescendo of the kettle reached it’s peak and the power clicked off, the loud noise coming to a jarring end.

“You’re afraid of me” Loki said finally, his eyes locking with Tony’s blue ones,

“Fucking terrified,” He replied. Loki huffed a laugh,

“We can work on that,” He said, “Anyway, if we’re working on the same team then you’ll have to get used to me, as you said, i’m a God, I would rather you worshipped me than feared me”

Tony laughed awkwardly, looking Loki up and down and suddenly thinking that that was a body he wouldn’t mind worshipping. He averted his eyes, embarrassed by his own deepest thoughts, confused at their sudden origin. He cleared his throat,

“We can work on that”

***

When they entered the living room Thor eyed Loki cautiously, trying to determine whether he’d just had another fight with Tony and whether he should intervene. They walked one behind the other but didn’t seem to show any signs of animosity. Loki still looked thoroughly uncomfortable however, tugging at his clothes like they didn’t quite fit right. Thor opened his arms, not expecting him to take up his offer of a comforting embrace, but Loki was full of surprises, curling into his side, wrapping his arms around him. Bruce and Tony looked on at the rare display of affection, Bruce had never seen the brothers acting so…brotherly. It was like all bets were off, they were just seeking comfort in each others touch. Thor stroked his brothers neck,

“They’re overtired, i’ll take them home in a minute” He said, looking for a way to give Loki an out of this situation.

“Wait” Bruce said, “If you want to be an Avenger now Loki, you have the option of having a room here. You could even live here full time if you wanted to” Bruce said, not wanting Thor to rush off before certain protocol had taken place. Thor was a force of nature however, Bruce had no doubts that if Loki wanted to go home, Thor would scoop up his younger brother and leave right there and then.

“I suppose it would be nice for you to get away from Asgard for a while Loki? I can’t leave our people permanently, but what you do is up to you” Thor said. Loki looked deep in thought,

“No,” He said finally, “I would rather stay in New Asgard with Thor. The room would be nice though” He turned to Bruce,

“Sure we can do that. Is next to Peter ok? We would have put you next to Thor but that’s Natasha’s room”

“Wherever is fine. Thank you” Loki said, secretly quite pleased he would be next to the cheery child, he could use some of that positivity in his life right now. Thor, ever the impulsive force, stood up abruptly, sensing Loki’s restless energy,

“Come on then Loki, let’s go home” Loki frowned at being unceremoniously thrown off of his brothers lap and stood up himself, brushing out the creases in his clothes and following in his brother’s wake, managing a small wave in Tony’s direction. It was the least he could do to show he was onboard with whatever truce the man was trying to set up. If he could help it, he wouldn’t actively hate the handsome dark haired tin man. Thor poked his cheek as they sat in the car, watching the high rise buildings flit past out of the tinted windows.

“You can be female now if you want Lo” He said softly, trying to be as respectful of Loki’s modesty as possible, he knew they were touchy about being told what to do and he already felt bad enough forcing them into masculinity for the short time they were at the Avengers facility. Loki didn’t respond before changing into her female form, leaving her already slightly androgynous outfit the same.

“I’m sorry you had to do that” Thor said, as the car slowed to a gentle halt outside the towering gates. Loki smiled softly at him, putting any nerves that she was angry at him to rest,

“I understand,” She said, stepping out of the car gracefully, Thor following on the other side and walking round to join her as they watched the ornate golden gates be opened by two burly looking Asgardian guards. Thor thanked them and Loki continued as they walked on, “I know now that if I had gone like this, I would have not only had to talk about what happened on the last visit but also explain my identity. A time will come when i’ll feel comfortable enough to tackle that with them, but truthfully i’m not brave enough yet”

Thor felt a surge of pride for his sister, in previous years her response to these feelings would have been violence and outbursts of shouting and screaming, she had come a very long way since those early days when she didn’t even know her true heritage, Thor wondered if she had ever suspected she was different to the rest of them. He didn’t voice his thoughts, it didn’t feel like a subject he wanted to drag up from it’s buried place just yet. They walked straight to the palace together, not stopping to talk to Volstagg or Fandral who were hanging outside a tavern with large tankards of Asgardian mead. Instead they retreated into solitude, the quiet of Loki’s room surrounded by eternally burning candles and books lining the walls. She flopped herself onto the bed and curled up in the silk covers.

“Are you ok little sister?” Thor asked, perching on the side of the bed, Loki hummed not unhappily,

“Tired” She said, not moving from her spot. Thor reached out his hand to stroke her hair a little,

“I’ll leave you to sleep little icicle” He said, smiling at the disgruntled noise Loki made at that nickname. He had only stepped into the kitchen for what felt like less than a second, but was probably more like five minutes when a loud knock at the door disturbed their peace. He could hear Loki’s groan from down the hallway, yelling at him to tell them to fuck off. Thor chuckled, but went to the door despite her protests. Stood in front of him was a tall man, clad in red and black, he barely had time to react before they pushed themselves in through the doorway.

“Heyy, what’s up sparkles, I come bearing grave news” They said cheerily, rifling through his fridge and picking up a bottle of beer.

“Who are you, and what are you doing in Asgard?” Thor said defensively, Loki appearing to see what all the commotion was about,

“I’m Deadpool man, i’m the merc with a mouth, and you’re Loki! You’re who i’m here to see sweetheart” He said, sauntering over to Loki, she sneered at him and pushed him off when he walked a little too close into her space. “Loving the look gorgeous, I thought you were a dude but I guess you’re both. That’s fine with me” He remarked, making Loki scoff at his idiocy,

“What do you want Deadpool? What’s your business here?” She said coldly,

“Heyy, cool down princess, i’ve got some news that concerns you and I. You see, we’re kind of bad guys, kind of good, the government don’t know what to do with us, we’re all wibbly wobbly in their definition of good and evil, and the Sokovia accords mean that all heroes have to be registered with the government, but what are we? Their poor little soft brains have decided that this is all too much and we’re being called over for a tightening of the accords, no superhero can operate without thorough screening and a limiting of their power.” Thor growled, “That’s the point big guy, who the fuck wants that? So i’m asking you really nicely if you’ll help me end it?”

“So you’re saying that they’re changing the Sokovia accords because of..me? Because of us?” Loki clarified, honestly a little shocked at how her presence had impacted the hero community.

“Yup, all aboard the struggle bus” Deadpool laughed darkly, pulling a pretend train horn with his free hand, “Look, all we gotta do to stop it is get the rest of the team on our side, they won’t change the accords if their main backers are completely against it. I’m talking Tony, Rhodey, those guys ya know? But they hate me, and your brother is their friend, so i’m thinking we can make some kinda truce”

“A truce” Loki repeated slowly, mulling it all over in her head, “Yes I suppose we have no other choice, you’re assistance will be greatly needed as well, you seem to have a lot of information on the issue”

“Aw shucks, you flatter me princess, all I had to do was go interrogate the guy who was holding all the information on the accords at the time, then un-alive him…in hindsight not the best look for our side, but anyway all the boring paper stuff is with this old moustache guy Ross now” Deadpool said, Loki and Thor shared a swift silent glance of confusion and exasperation, as useful as the information had been, they couldn’t help but wish that he would leave now.

“Anyway I gotta be off, a certain spider is roaming the city and I wanna catch it.” He saluted the two and waltzed through the door, shutting it on his way out and leaving Thor and Loki a little shaken at the encounter.

“So, i’m that much of a threat.” Loki half asked, half stated, her head swimming with feelings of self loathing and loathing for those around her, Thor approached his sister carefully, not wanting to suddenly feel the cold slip of a blade in his side as he tried to comfort her,

“Lo we’ll figure it out, we have Deadpool on our side at least, and whilst he may be a little, uh… unique, i’m sure we will find his information proves useful. Let’s not worry ourselves over it for now. I mean really, how bad can a few pieces of paper be?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so bloody long. It's not even good, but I guess it's something. I really hope the next chapter will be better, i'm trying to get my shit together! 
> 
> Anyway, yay deadpool, the literal hardest character to write in all of history! And Tony kinda likes Lokiiii kind off ooooooooooh. Hey google, is this how you write character development?


	4. Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back back back back againnnnn! Bet you thought I'd abandoned this well sike I'm back at ya with another shit chapterrrr. Loki is my baby and he has magic.

“Bad” Tony shook his head repeatedly, “This is so bad”  
“So you’ve said, multiple times” Loki sighed. He stood casually, but stiff, one hand clutching a smooth ceramic mug of tea, his other running through his hair, catching on a small knot close to his left ear, he tugged gently and the knot fell loose. With his free hand released he leant on the cool marble counter. He kept his eyes on Tony, staring at the document that he had handed him, small twitches underneath his tired eyes.

The once cold paper had grown hot in his sweaty palm, the edges beginning to curl ever so slightly under his heated clasp. Words stared back at him but they no longer made sense to his unfocused eyes. Thoughts whirred around his mind mechanically. What would his team say? What would Steve say? He had been on the side of the accords to begin with but now these meant he couldn’t do anything. He was a bird shackled to the ground in an iron cage. Loki’s emerald eyes staring at him looked downcast and lacked their usual gleam. Tony stared at them fervently, wishing them to brighten and bring him back to normalcy. His own eyes felt heavy.

“Gods I don’t know how to deal with this” He said after a while of strained silence, “I-I should know how to deal with this” His voice wavered a little more, the croak in the back of his throat sounded monsterous to his ears. He reached out to steady himself on the countertop but Loki’s strong, gentle hands held his shoulders before he got there, warmed by his mug, comforting.  
“Calm down” He said, leading him carefully towards a bar stool at the breakfast counter, “You’re ok, I promise, just calm down and we can deal with this with clear heads”. He took his hands away when Tony was sat down, but a panicked noise from the back of the man’s throat implored him to place a delicate hand on the small of his back. Never again did he want to hear such a pitiful sound from a man he knew as strong, capable. Tony cringed at his display of weakness, but couldn’t help his hands from shaking. Loki’s hand where it was felt correct, stable, something he couldn’t explain. He willed his mind to focus, he steadied his shallow breath,  
“These documents don’t come into action until two months from now, that’s all time we can use to work on your reputation, you will train with us and your progress will be filmed on F.R.I.D.A.Y’s system. Simple, easy missions will be your time to shine as well, these will be where you can prove you’re working on our side. How does all that sound?” Tony said with an air of false confidence. Loki removed his hand from his back and leaned back against a chair,  
“What about Deadpool? His reputation is also a factor in these accords” he said, Tony hummed lowly,  
“He gets on with Peter, maybe he can work with the spiderling doing small ground work, the friendly neighbourhood Deadpool would be a very dramatic and noteable rebranding.”  
“I think that could work.” Loki agreed, “What about young Peter’s safety?”  
“Deadpool’s insane, but he would never hurt Peter, that I know for a fact.” Tony replied with certainty. Loki hummed in agreement and was relieved to see Tony’s face relax,  
“So it’s settled. Mission, makeover Loki’s reputation is go”

Over the next couple weeks Loki visited the Avengers tower more and more often, training with Tony and Clint first, then progressing quickly to Natasha. Her fighting style was quick and seamless, a worthy opponent to his nimble agility. However, her lightning fast reflexes proved a worthy opponent, eventually pushing him to his breaking point. He threw down his useless escrima stick in frustration, kicking it to the other side of the room childishly. Natasha waited patiently for him to finish his little tantrum before walking towards him,  
“What’s wrong? You’re distracted. You should be catching these punches, blocking my attacks, you’re a God, start acting like one” He knew she was trying to rile him up, knock his confidence to provoke an attack, but instead her words deflated him. Her disappointment radiated off her in waves bringing shame crushing down on his chest. He just felt, delicate. That wasn’t the right word, he wasn’t even sure what word he was looking for, but something didn’t feel right. He growled at her,  
“You’re incessant teasing isn’t going to help me. I want to be better and it’s not happening” Natasha hummed,  
“Take a break for today. Clear your head. You’re overthinking things” She said simply, before shucking off her boxing gloves and walking out of the room nonchalantly. Loki was left defeated in the boxing ring, he sat down in the middle of it, buzzing with negative energies. A faint green haze vibrated around his hands, his seiðr, it wavered out of his control and burst around him.  
“Fuck” He breathed.  
The energy whirred amidst his hair, brushing it off his shoulders and held it aloft so that it was hovering in suspension just shy of falling onto his body, his undershirt rippled under the heavy presence. An oppressive feeling engulfed the room with a nervous twitch of his hand, a nervous inflection he had developed years ago that Odin had tried to train out of him multiple times, often times during large royal gatherings he would slap the twitching hand of his son whispering softly in his ear that royals do not show nervousness in front of others. Loki could feel his pale skin moving under the hazy air, manipulated by the energy, his breath coming quicker, in shorter pants and focused on managing deep steady breaths. He could sense another presence in the doorway through the ripples in the haze but was unable to retract his seiðr, it was too far out, pulsating around the room in waves that he couldn’t consciously control but knew he was subconsciously controlling. The person behind him flitted into the room skittishly, darting from side to side causing tidal waves in the thick energy layer, saying something but the words were muffled, the low, dull tones only reaching Loki’s ears in drones, words completely lost in the misty golden haze. Something about the feeling of isolation, his insular view of himself as he sat, embraced by a thick blanket of warmth, felt nostalgic. He used to practice with his mother this way, cross legged and focused, his face screwed up in concentration next to her calm, poised features, her body showing no sign of strain as she slowly extended and retracted the magical force, showing him the ease and grace with which he might one day wield the magic of Asgard.  
“You are so very special Loki because magic chose you. If you train hard, and keep an open and clear heart, it will enrapture you and fill you and you will be so powerful, my beautiful child”, her voice rang clear as bells through the heavy room. Words of encouragement from a training session long ago. She knew he wasn’t built for fighting, not that he wouldn’t try, but showed him another way, instead of tossing him out with the other weakling children. She built and encouraged his strengths and never judged his weaknesses, reminding him often that Thor as well was limited. He wished she were here with him now to remind him, the oppression of the room starting to weigh on his heart the way heavy, hardback books squeeze fragile paper between the weight of the two covers. He tried to focus on his mother’s voice, calling him to action through his hazy daydream. Eventually the concerned voice of the stranger became higher, less distorted as if through thick glass and became recognisable as that of Peter.  
“Mr Loki? Are you alright? You looked out of it” He remarked,  
“I’m quite alright” Loki said, shaking off the residual energy. He stood up on shaky legs and smiled at Peter,  
“You want to make lunch?” He offered, grasping his still twitching hand to still it. Peter beamed and nodded his head,  
“Yeah sure! What are we making?”  
Loki hummed, “How about pancakes,” needing something sugary to help stop his hands shivering,  
“For lunch?” Peter asked smiling excitedly, Loki smiled mischievously,  
“Don’t tell the adults”

Tony lay staring up at the common room ceiling unsure whether the flat white was the smooth plaster of the building or a haze in front of his eyes, unfocused and half shut. He had had the plaster redone recently, newly whitewashed and smoothed, it had looked good then but now the white expanse looked frighteningly large, endless, like a milky pool undisturbed and deep, something you could float in forever and never be found in. He was marginally aware of his surroundings, the faint blue glow of his chest, the flutter of pigeons disturbed on the outside windowsill by a surprising gust of wind, a branch creaking on an old tree outside. His lidded eyes closed and opened, closed and opened, heavy, like they wanted to stay shut against his will. He let a breath of air escape his parted lips. This is how Loki found him.  
He gently passed his finger across his bottom lip, brushing the lingering taste of maple syrup off before sighing gently, letting Tony know there was someone there.  
“What are you doing, lying there like that?” He asked gently,  
“Napping. That’s not so weird is it?”  
“Considering your previous energy, yes”  
“I’m mulling things over” He countered,  
“Bullshit,” Loki countered, smiling. Tony smiled dreamily, “I love it when you talk dirty to me”  
“Mm, and I love it when you don’t start having daytime nightmares because you’re “napping””  
Tony huffed and hauled himself up to sitting, his head swam from the change in light and position, Loki’s face grainy and blurred as he blinked back his vision.  
“You’re too busy to brood aren’t you?” Loki questioned, the man before him more lethargic than he had ever seen him. Tony laughed humorlessly, shaking something within Loki, the dark sound out of place between such gorgeous lips. He blinked away that thought and moved to sit gently on the side of the sofa, careful to leave Tony’s position undisturbed. Tony furrowed his brow, shifting his legs slightly to the right to make room. The blue glow of his arc reactor shone into his eyes at the new angle and for a brief second Loki noticed his eyes widen, a small intake of breath through his nose. The weathered face illuminated by the harsh blue light looked wrong, Loki wanted to hold the man in front of him away from its glare, to take the pain from his face and replace it with comfort, the strained replaced with ease. He looked directly into the blue shine and was suddenly hit with what had startled Stark so briefly.  
“The Tesseract,” Loki breathed, that’s what had shocked Tony. “You’re safe now, the Tesseract is gone, I made sure of that myself”  
“So Thor said,” Tony said, “But it still hurts”  
Loki struggled to respond. How could he tell him that everything was ok? How could he lie when the effects of the Tesseract still plagued him? Wasn’t he the God of lies? So why was it so hard to tell one now? His own mind betrayed him, refused to heal, his own aura had evaded his control, how could he heal another broken soul when he still hadn’t patched his own? Tony smiled softly at Loki’s fragile eyes, searching for an answer to give him, to placate his worries.  
“Don’t” He said quietly, Loki’s head whipping to look at him with a confused expression, “Don’t tell me it’s ok, you of all people know that’s not true. Don’t try and tell me that I won’t deal with this forever because I know I will. And above all don’t lie to me, especially when there are already things you’re not telling me”  
Loki scowled, “We might be on better terms now but that doesn’t mean you get to know everything about me” He snapped. Tony held his hands up in surrender,  
“I understand, just don’t lie about the important stuff alright?” Loki’s eyes widened when he didn’t pry, he had stiffened waiting for the barrage of questions on his own odd behaviour as of late. Tony hauled himself off the bed, regaining an ounce of energy and deciding not to waste his day in bed,  
“You need a coffee Reindeer games, let’s not brood” He smiled. Despite Loki’s protests that he was not, in fact, brooding, he still followed Stark into the kitchen and boiled the kettle, content for once to stay in his company quietly and without friction. Just the two of them. Quietly brooding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for readingg! If anyone has actually waited for this chapter then wow you're hardcore and I would give you a high five if I saw you. I'm so so so so sorry this is so amazingly late, i've literally had no time at all to devote to this, which is why this is a very short and poor chapter. Please forgive me and I will try my very best to update more regularly!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at a full length fic with an actual plot and decent length chapters. Please please please leave feedback if you read this, it really helps. All the characters I use are not my own and I have changed their behaviour somewhat to fit how I wanted this story to feel. I actually kind of planned some of the plot so be proud of me.


End file.
